Fear

Updated: Apr 8, 2021

About three years ago I was looking for a new job. I was at a school for four years when I decided to leave despite not becoming tenure yet. I concluded that this school was not for me. If I plan on growing or becoming better at my practice it was time to go. Now, if you don't know how the education system works let me tell you. Each teacher has a deadline to leave their school. Once that deadline is here, you can not leave or transfer unless you quit your job or the principal releases you. It's the Principal choice if he or she wants to release you or not. Less than a week to the deadline I found a school. The school was close to my house, which was a plus in my eyes. I thought I had hit the Jackpot. I made the mistake of not doing my research. So, here I was at a school that didn't share my values and mission. Once again, it started to sink in " I will be starting all over again." Each day was a struggle. I found myself questioning, do I want to be a teacher. Maybe I should switch careers.


Fast forward, six months later, the open market had opened back up. I started going on interviews. Each interview was exhausting and discouraging. I remember one particular interview I had in Greenwich village. I walked into the interviewing room late due to my boss not letting me leave early. When I walked into the room, it was a group interview. I was super shocked. During this time, this was my first group interview. There were at least 35 people in the room. Instantly, my heart stopped. Honestly, I wanted to leave. My mind was racing, I was thinking of a good excuse to use to make my exit. But it was too late when the director said "welcome Ms. Jenkins! come take a seat". I introduced myself to a few people, we talked about our pedagogy. I noticed, that once I started talking about my practice the fear and doubt started to go away. I was completely shocked when I was asked back for a second interview. I gave it my all. I was planned and prepared. My demo was great! Sadly, I didn't get the job. Not getting the job didn't discourage me it gave me the courage I needed and a new outlet. I gave myself a little pep talk and concluded this is what I want to do and if I want to grow it's time to accept that change is ok.


It's fear that stops us from achieving our goals and not living up to our full potential. Everyone has doubts and a million reasons why we couldn't do the things we are passionate about. Don't let that fear hold you down and prevent you from opening the door, the door that is waiting for you. Two years later I am currently at a job I love and I am thankful that fear didn't stop me from achieving what was meant for me.


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