Updated: Apr 13
Growing up I met some dope girls. I thought these girls would have been my friends forever. The plan was we will graduate together, plan our baby showers and be each other bridesmaids. Our adult lives will consist of our kids being best friends. We will travel, take trips around the world. Grow old together and live like the Golden Girls.
I remember picking my High School in middle school. My method at 13 years old was to apply to the schools my friends applied to. My mom must have known my method because she asked me “why did I pick these schools”. She then stated these schools are local, you're going to see the same people. I confessed and told her I picked the schools my friends were attending. My mom is known for speaking her mind, not holding anything back. It didn't matter that I was a kid, she was very transparent about her views. My mom’s advice was to meet new people. She stated my childhood friends won't be my friends when I am an adult. She didn't elaborate on the issue. As a teenager, I didn’t understand where my mom was coming from. I thought she was just trying to keep me away from my friends. My mom won, I went to a high school outside my Borough.
On the first day of school, I was solo no clique. It felt like I was starting all over. I was in a foreign country. Maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but that's how I felt at 13 years old. Despite recognizing a few faces from my neighborhood and schools I attended. The first week I befriended a girl I recognized from my middle school. Honesty, at the time I don't think she knew who I was. Instantly, because of my dope personality, we clicked. We were inseparable, if you saw her you saw me. Looking back, she was my first loyal friend. She genuinely always looked out for my best interest. Later on, in the year I grew closer to another classmate despite our difference. We were night and day. For some reason that made our friendship strong and balance. I was a very free spirit, all over the place at times and the beat of my drum. While she was straight by the book, on point, and had her future mapped at the age of 14. I admire her in many ways. I think our personalities along with the respect we had for each other bought us closer together. We kept it real with each other and shared the same values. My last best friends I met my sophomore year when I joined my school step team. At one point we were all on the step team. My best friends had a lot of commonalities. We lived close to each other, which means we commuted to and from school together. We even worked at the same job together. One thing I noticed about these three friendships is that they lasted long because we shared the same qualities such as respect, loyalty and we wanted each other to win. We motivated each other. We were hungry and determined to end the traditions and stereotypes that stood out in our community. While in high school, my friends from elementary and Junior high ( neighborhood friends) began to fade. My mentality changed.
When I graduated High School I was the only one of my friends who stayed local. I regret not going away. Slowly I started to reconnect with my childhood friends. We partied, cracked jokes, and played spades. It was like we were still kids. I started to notice the only thing we had in common was turning up. I was attending college and working. Starting my adult life. The lifestyles they were living were not for me. I didn't knock what they did, but I knew the person that I wanted to be. Slowly I distanced myself from them. There were no commonalities between us. I didn't see the reason for staying around.
What does my inner circle look like in my adult life? It's funny a lot of people think I have a lot of friends. I admit I do hang out with a lot of people. I'm cool with many people. A selective few will get the honor of me calling them a friend. That's a big title in my eye. It comes with a lot of responsibilities. I have four best friends and three of them are from High School. From my experience, I noticed that when talking more about habits, reading, mindset, growth, and taking action on your goals, the people around you are going to either join you or give negative comments. This leads me to say not everyone I started with is going to the next level with me. It’s ok to put people in different categories. I went through a period where I was shuffling the deck around. As a result, everything was out of order.
In the end, my mom was right. She was only looking out for my best interest. When you are in a different space in your life you realize it is time to make moves. Don't wait for anyone. People move at their rate. Some people will be apart of your growth while others will fade away. Your friends should be your cheerleaders the people who motivate you. When they see you slacking they should feel comfortable telling you you're not on your A-game. Why? Because they want to see you at the top. Some people who are not in that space won't be receptive to the growth and view it differently. That is ok, just know those are the people you need to let go of and move on. It’s pointless to force them to understand because they are not in the same mindset. Don’t beat yourself up. My Bestfriends motivated me and inspire me to keep moving up. We live by the same motto “ Anything that doesn’t grow is dead” . That's why we going to keep moving up and never get too comfortable at one level. Your either moving with me or I will see you there.